WARNING:  THE FOLLOWING MAY CONTAIN OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE.

More and more television programs begin with a screen that warns that viewer discretion is advised.  Such alerts will likely disappear soon as broadcasters cross the line with increasing frequency and simply present disturbing or offensive scenes and language with no warning.

One company dedicated to clearing the air is Air Wick.  Their latest creation is a can of V.I.Poo odor neutralizer, which comes in Lavender, Lemon, Rosy, and Fruity scents.  As the lady in the ads notes, we all “have to visit the porcelain” regularly.  There we might, according to her, deposit our “devil’s doughnuts.”

Suggestion:  if you see one of these commercials about to air, don’t touch that dial until you have witnessed a sad new low in advertising standards.  You may have an image of a bunch of ad guys sitting around a table, tossing out bon mots or other cutsey-wootsey lines.  Sadly, many of them have landed in V.I.Poo ads.

Almost as disgusting as V.I.Poo ads are those that present a woman who has gastric problems, followed around by another female character in a pink costume, evidently to depict the lady’s plumbing.  Through the magic of television nobody else in the ads can see this freak or hear the dialogue between the two.

Recently on a situation comedy show on a major network, one of the children asked his mother what the little blue pill was that made the mom and dad smile so much when she took it.  Perhaps that is more subtle than the ads that strive to paint a word picture of the pleasure to be derived from little blue pills.

Though the major networks have yet to advertise condoms, they can’t be far away.  They already help to peddle other products designed for adult intimacy.  Pity the poor parent after a Cialis or Viagra commercial explaining to a four-year old what an erection is.  Of course, dad might not take a pill but use K-Y’s Duration, which is a spray.  How does mom explain the pleasure of using K-Y Jelly?

As with many types of physical gratification, using some of these products comes with a warning.  Here is one from the Cialis folks:  After taking a single tablet, some of the active ingredient of CIALIS remains in your body for more than 2 days. The active ingredient can remain longer if you have problems with your kidneys or liver, or you are taking certain other medications.  Stop sexual activity and get medical help right away if you get symptoms such as chest pain, dizziness, or nausea during sex. Sexual activity can put an extra strain on your heart, especially if it is already weak from a heart attack or heart disease.

In a world where an awful lot of young folks are naturally exploring things, it is sad that there is so little effort to convince them to wait to have sex until their bodies and minds are more mature.  I’d be very curious to see statistics on the increase in teen-age pregnancies since the introduction of these products and their vivid come-ons on television.

One can only wonder how long we have to wait for on-screen application of these products.

TJ Ray is a retired professor of English at Ole Miss.