• 63°

‘That guy’ who always complains

It seems the older I get, the more I complain. Aches and pains, people getting on my nerves, “punks” and their loud music. Since turning 50, I’ve become “that guy.”

We all knew him when we were younger. You know, when we were in our 40s. “That guy” either related to us or a family friend who constantly complains about everything. I used to just shake my head at “that guy” when the complaining began. Now I find myself agreeing with him more and more.

My complaint this week is the oppressive heat. Good gracious! I know when I was younger the weather was hot during the summer, but I can’t remember a time when the unbearable heat was this constant.

But I’m not “that guy” who blames global warming for what seems to be warmer than usual temperatures. I just think my old body can’t take the heat like it used to.

But rather than focus on the negative about how hot it is outside, here’s a few hot jokes that maybe can put a smile on our faces. And we all know we could use a smile right about now.

IT’S SO HOT THAT…

…I saw a fire hydrant chasing down a dog!

…I went outside for a smoke and the cigarette lit itself!

…I’m sweating like a politician on election day!

…all the bread in the store is toast!

… the cows are giving evaporated milk!

… the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground!

…you can make INSTANT sun tea!

…your car overheats before you drive it!

… you got condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl!

…Lance Armstrong tested positive for water!

…my Reese’s peanut butter cups turned into Reese’s peanut butter shooters…I drank ’em anyway!

…my change melted into a medallion in my purse!

…I saw a coyote chasing a jack rabbit and they were both walking!

So it’s hot outside. We all know it. And it’s going to remain hot outside all the way through at least September. We live in the South and so we’ve come to expect the heat, but  it would be nice for a semi-break.

Maybe dial down the temperatures to just below sweltering. In the meantime, I guess we will all just bear with it and sweat it out.

The good news is that Christmas is just 18 weeks away.

Rob Sigler is managing editor of The Oxford EAGLE. Contact him at rob.sigler@oxfordeagle.com.